Towards Emotional Mastery
Why It’s Important
To act skillfully, “an individual needs his emotions balanced and aligned ” (p.240).
In emotional situations we don’t use the technical skills/head knowledge we’ve acquired that will make things better, rather we become defensive, afraid, and stressed. Then we REACT, using our fight/flight response. We don’t respond.
“When feelings are acknowledged and expressed appropriately, they foster personal, interpersonal, and operational health" (p.255).
5 Competencies Towards Emotional Mastery
SELF-AWARENESS : know what is happing within yourself
SELF-ACCEPTANCE: accept emotions without judgment
SELF-REGULATION: have control and give direction to your emotional energy
SELF-INQUIRY: find the root story(s)
SELF-EXPRESSION: articulate the story behind the emotion
A Tool
Most of us don’t know how to express ourselves emotionally, it’s likely been painful either on the receiving end or giving end. Fred Kofman shares a formula for expressing emotions consciously, and turning them into effective actions:
State: I feel A (Emotion), when B (Fact), because I think C (Interpretation).
Ask: Does this make sense to you? Listen/acknowledge
State: What I’d like is D (Macro Request), so I want to ask you E (Micro Request). Is that acceptable to you?
Reflection
I’ve found this a helpful formula as I can be inept at expressing my emotions. It’s been helpful to reverse engineer a past conversation gone wrong and see a more effective way of expressing myself, and asking for what I want/need.
Source: Kofman, Fred. Conscious Business: How to Build Value Through Values. Sounds True, 2016. Chapter 8